I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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