This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
