Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
