Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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