After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
