Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
