i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
