You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
