I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
