Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
