but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
