i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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