Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
did you just send me my own nude
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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