sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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