I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
