wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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