Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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