I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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