It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize