your room smells of hookers.
And success
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
