In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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