I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
