There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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