You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
