I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
