they need to just BURY HIM!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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