Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
