I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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