I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
