Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize