Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize