i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
