They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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