I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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