Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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