I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
are you so shy because you have an std?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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