***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
