I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
