I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
