I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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