i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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