Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
