I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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