my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
