Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
