So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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