all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
