My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
