I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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