so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
