Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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