i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
