just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
