why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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