i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
