is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
