dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
