All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
