Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
