Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
