hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
