well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
