My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this just has baby written all over it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
