It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
