im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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