On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
