Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
