my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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