oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I came so hard my ears popped.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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