girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
