There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
