I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
