The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
